When you feel that you’re in love with a person with commitment issues, you can’t help thinking why you fell in love with him in the first place. Why would you, such a lovely girl, think that you deserve being with a guy who didn’t even plan to spend the future with you?
You knew that you had to take this relationship easy, and you shouldn’t have any expectations. You knew that the more you expected, the more painful you’d feel when you got disappointed. You manage your emotions carefully, and you constantly remind yourself not to be too into the relationship -- but is that possible?
As time goes by, you inevitably spend more time and put more emotions into the relationship. You find this whole thing quite toxic, especially after you’ve read so many articles about what a toxic relationship is like. You wonder if you should let go of this earlier, yet in your heart you want to go on with this because you still like him. You convince yourself that “there’s nothing to lose” because you’ve already passed through some really painful breakups and holding on to this relationship is just going to be another life experience, another harsh lesson. You think, “What could be worse? Probably it’s just going to be another heartbreak, another massive cry; I can get through it surely.” It looks like you can convince yourself that way, but your instinct and your heart keep telling you that this relationship could be slowly intoxicating you.
You feel like you’re in an addiction. You know the relationship is not healthy, but you still take it all. You know you can get rid of this addiction yet you don’t want to stop it at all. You want to wait until that fire really goes off and then you can gladly say goodbye. (And for sure you know this ain’t logical at all!)
But wait a minute and think again, this is sort of what you actually expected. You expected that you just wanted to have a try and see what thrill would be added to your many years of life experience. You didn’t want to regret letting your fear stop you from experiencing life.
“If only we could see the endless string of consequences that result from our smallest actions. But we can't know better until knowing better is useless.”
You make your choices, but you can never know everything or have control of everything. Why not just stop struggling, experience life and enjoy the ride? You may feel really sad at the end, but you will be fine!
More great stuff to read:
How It's Like To Be A Person Who Feels So Deeply
Things Change, People Leave, And Life Doesn't Stop for Anyone